If you are the targeted parent, peace in the storm is a must. Children long for love from both parents regardless of the parent's relationship status. It is unfair to give the child an ultimatum of choosing a "side" of one parent over the other. Although it is challenging to avoid questioning your child about the negative discussions about you in their home, it is crucial for you to maintain a healthy relationship with your child.
Here are some helpful tips you should keep in mind in this difficult time:
1. Learn not to criticize your child(ren). Such as, "you're no good, you're a dummy, you'll never mound to anything, you're lazy, all the money I've invested in you for nothing, etc."
2. Avoid asking the child about the alienated parent's whereabouts, relationships and or activities.
3. Continue to love your child with your actions. Caring the needs of your child is as simple as cooking for your child, washing their laundry, playing outside, and reassuring them of your love and protection for them.
4. Build a positive relationship with your child. Continue to show interest in their homework, school activities, sports, and or what their hobbies are. Learn more about your child and all the surprises that awaits for you to discover.
5. Refrain from questioning your child if there are any negative discussions about you in their home or by other family members.
6. Avoid discussing adult topics such as child support, money topics, putting responsibilities on them to make adult things happen such as registering for a particular event or to bring you paper work. Be sure you have another form of communication with the alienator that avoids the urge for you to put any form of adult responsibilities on your child.
7. Enjoy and have fun with your child. All the positive that comes out of you will diffuse all the negatives your child has heard about you. As your child continues to grow, and becomes more independent, they will soon see how your relationship with them is growing strong and healthy. Your child won't be able to deny the positive bond between the two of you.
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